Post #117: The Show Must Go On

Life. It's a game.

I thought to myself over the past few days, the longing passion I have for gaming. The industry and the unconditional requirement I have to move forward with my potential career as a game enthusiast is there. I figured, 2008, 2009, 2012 2013 isn’t too far off and that the next while should fly by. Which is more or less, why I forgot about this place... it happens occasionally.

I think it works like this: the older you get, the faster life moves. I feel like a whole new person since high school. Like my old me didn’t ever really exist, you know? It's like I simply watched a movie, and all the things that led up to now have happened, been recorded and deemed unchangeable. I’ve been given plenty of opportunities to start over. Social arrangements for me have changed immensely with my life moving forward. Here comes another new job and another new group of friends. A token of each one stays with me, everywhere I go. In my brain, the thoughts race. But not as often, or as many, as some people on this planet.

People with Autism have the capacity to complete 250,000 brain cycles per second. These cycles cover everything to run the body – the central nervous system, blood pressure, breathing, speaking, thought processes and problem solving.

The average human being without Autism completes an average of 13-30 brain cycles per second. A major downgrade of the average thought process of what people call, “retards.” It made me think about the complexity of the world. The math, the physics, the rest of the sciences... It’s so complex and so detailed that I think working on something to create artificial versions of better worlds might relieve me. To even think about the vastness of everything we are -- it's by pure luck that we even exist. Everything is here because of science. Therefore, small things shouldn't really burden the world, our lives or our thoughts. But fuck, stubbing your toe can really ruin your day.

A new perspective has come to mind, thinking that people think differently than others. The brain is an eccentric piece of organic hardware that we can’t fully understand. Mine works in different ways, on different days; just like yours. At the end of the day I’m still a human being on a rock flying through space – this thought is what keeps me grounded. I realize that when it comes to a hard place that stress is more or less, located in the mind. The mind, we can control. The mind, we can conquer.

I have never been so majorly pissed off at anything than I was a couple weeks ago. Again, venturing back to the days where social get-togethers were more important than academics, I was a bit of a hermit. I still am, come to think about it. But now that I’m and adult, a full grown man so to speak, I have the authority, the drive and the sheer possibility of changing things around me. I have the power to do what I want with my life, and the choice of where to do it.

I came to the conclusion of what I want to do about three weeks ago. I looked around my office that morning, observing. I realized how office economics work, how escalation can really put forward issues in motion and how the structured and respectable conglomerate can work in a diverse and balanced lifestyle.

The epiphany of that day was impeccable, and I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it ever since. The ethics of putting things together and creating a project was appealing. The drive of the people around me, all working towards the same end made me think about industry. It made me think about how some days I just want to stop, go back to a grocery store and barely live off a wage with a boss who shakes people by looking at them. I’d regret it the second I got back, so I realized that in an effort to move forward, I had to look forward.

The game industry.

Grossing billions of dollars a year, employing thousands and growing towards technical prowess each and every day, the industry is exactly what I’m looking for. A place to grow my skills, creativity, and to work with a team to bring something astonishing to people’s bedrooms, rec rooms, arcades, facebook, mobile phones, movie theatres, and most importantly, the living room: a video game. A simple video game.

And so it was, the dream continued. Lost for a while, I had the exact same dream when I was eighteen. Straight out of high school, I knew what I wanted to do. And now again, living on my own and four experienced jobs later I look towards what I want from a career, when I simply have what I don’t. That being said, it pays the bills twice as fast and gets me from A to B a lot easier.

But a change will be a good thing. A new palette of people (don’t take offense to that) would be a good thing. I can hate people here. I don’t like that. I don’t want any of that. It doesn’t get anyone anywhere, and when the bullshit just keeps coming it makes me cringe – wanting out even more. I know some people are dicks, and some people are assholes. But hey, we can all be friendly, right? What's the harm in that?

Skyrim, or Battlefield 4 one day. I can see myself going to work in the morning, staying for 13 hours and leaving feeling accomplished and antsy to get back in the morning to work on the project even more.

I crave it. I always have.

here I am...

-E

Post #116: Really That Many?

Some might consider me lucky, you know. Earlier today I went into my wallet to grab a bus ticket so I could head down to my new job. Whilst looking through said wallet, I realized I was on my last bus ticket until payday. Tomorrow, assuming I use the ticket, would mark the end of the roll when it comes to public transit. The final destination.

I could walk, you know. But it'd take me 45 minutes. Holding onto this piece of paper which I severely rely on to get to my job, will be long lost in a deposit sack sent back to be recycled by BC Transit faculty. In fact, it was most likely a bus ticket in it's prior days, considering the tickets are printed with recycled paper. The one ticket could have travelled all over the place in it's previous life... Imagine the locations it's gone -- imagine all the blip's on the ticket's iPhone photo gallery GPS? ... where ever it's been, it was here right now.

I surfed through my wallet looking for more, but realized I used the third to last one to get to work the following day, and the second to last ticket to get to UVIC where a poster gallery was being held later that night. From there, I took my girlfriend to see Apollo 18 Drive, featuring that dude from The Notebook. Drive wasn't that good. There were some brutal scenes involving hammers, head kicks and I think I saw a car in there somewhere... the movie was weirdly off. It seemed like they tried way too hard for shock value. A strange flowing soundtrack that tied scene to scene was prominant, but the pacing was sub par at best. Though, I'm not too critical... We made it through the whole thing cause we ain't quitters.

The next day, may I call it... today... I was on my lunch break, ticketless, thinking of the options for food. More on my mind was how I was going to get to work tomorrow without buying a new sheet of bus tickets. It was before lunch that I realized today might just be a good day. On the way to the food court after meeting up with a friend of mine I saw something simply laying on the ground in front of an outlet. Looked familiar, familiar colours... why, that's a bus ticket. I could use that to get to work tomorrow! I COULD. Someone drop it? No. Someone around looking for it? No. Anyone else B-lining to pick it up? FUCK NO.

It's mine. I say to my friend and point, "hey man you want to go pick up that piece of paper for me?" In other words, bite the bullet if someone laid a rising trap net under the ticket? I end up getting the pink piece of paper and realize something: I am a very lucky man.

Not only did I get one ticket, but I got mother fucking TWO. This will cover me for not only Thursday, but Friday as well. This means I will be able to make it through the work week without awkwardly going into my old employer who hasn't paid me my severance in five weeks and buying something... for the fifth day in a row.

It was so majestic. What I was looking for came out of nowhere and provided me with exactly what I needed. Frickin' Secret? *palms up*

So tickets in pocket, I'm ready to go. The rest of my day was typical with Lunch being the highlight. Having a somewhat upset body from the flu-like BS a few days before I was still a little queasy. Come to think of it, I'm still feeling a little off. But that didn't stop me from ordering a popcorn chicken combo from KFC, with a side of gravy. NOW, let me begin with the fuckin retarded service at that nasty little hooker restaurant. The woman was obviously not from here, and she wore a hat that said, "Fuck-Up." She fucked up my buddy's order and I waited ten frickin' minutes for mine. It was worth it, granted... and I did get a side of gravy that looked like it had being sitting around for two hours... only the best from the Kernel, RIP.

The cook looked like he should have been wearing the hockey helmet Short Bus was wearing near the bathrooms of the food court, and my popcorn chicken cup container may have capsized when she moved the tray... four or five deep fried chicken things rolled onto the soggy counter Chef Gordon Ramsay would set on fire had it been his Kitchen Nightmare. And the couple after me were unfufilled and denied in the spicey mayo department ... cry me a river.

But hey! That's chicken, this is now.

Cup of tea in hand, I sit at my dining room kitchen table stamping my thoughts onto "qwerty" words and submitting them on the Internet. It's been a long time comin' people. The blog has an embarrassing layer of dust on it, but as always I intend to change that. Now that I've officially brought my slippers out of the closet (saw my breath this morning, it's getting ass-cold out there) and chucked em' on my feet, I might be doing a little bit more writing than the summer drought.

-E

Post #115: Empty The Cup

I remember first going through till ten. First transaction as an actual Thrifty Foods employee. I even kept my receipt for a while. At the time, I knew close to nobody (but still hit it off with a few), had my best friend working with me, and the whole store to take on.

I learned the ropes of the job within a week. The codes... oh good Christ the codes. I'll probably remember them forever. I remember the shit, too. Feeling like actual garbage, whether it be a hangover, weed-over, actually being baked, or going through a heart break. It all happened at this one central station. I see, and saw everyone I know these days in one place, where we all cross paths. All of the employees of that store, past and present, have something to be proud of. Mostly putting up with customer bullshit (lets be honest), but you contributed to something more. A smile here, or a smile there... even if it's in the bag. Thrifty Foods, with no question, made my day on several occasions. The front end has something to be proud of. It's a fucking gong-show up there more than half the time; being a cashier with the composure to take each customer individually and pack their shit for them (maybe give their shoes a little shine) takes balls. Lots of balls. Even if you don't care, you're still in robot-cashier mode getting everything done... and if you're me, you could do it near flawlessly (fuck-up montage here), while thinking about things, or people without any problems.

If I could go back to every single transaction I ever did, I wouldn't change a single thing. Maybe a few double scans, or a couple calls for customer service -- yadda yadda.. but really, I think I gave customers a level of service that deserved a lot more than what I got paid. I think the same thing goes with a lot of cashiers still stuck in the Sobey's meth lab of death (working title).

The cooperate take-over of the company shook a lot of things, including my head. I remember before getting my first job at Blockbuster, applying at the front end and knowing they'd start me at a decent wage. Boy would my life be different now if I took a job there...

It's funny that I can somehow look at my time at Thrifty Foods, just over a year and a half... I can cram 100x more shit, whether that be incidences of wild, crazy, racist, amazing, hilarious, sexy, anger-driven, bullshit-filled, frustrating, and complimentary events or even something as simple as a kiss... It all seems so much more vivid than my earlier years at Blockbuster. It might be because I worked with hundreds of people. Most who I'll never forget. Maybe I'm cocky by writing this before my interview even takes place tomorrow... But lets be honest... I'll nail it.

I remember the times up front, working with the Chief. Leigh, Natalie, Magi... Deb. The best bosses I could ever ask for at the store are all people who I can look up to and push myself to be more alike. I'll miss the... everything.

I couldn't wait to get out of the shit hole because of the negatives. But I realize by writing this all out that the good easily outweighed the bad. It was like the American stock market... just all over the fucking place. More brain-bombs went off when I worked at the store than I can ever describe to you. The amount of customers I've helped is easily in the high thousands. It's almost disgusting...

There's not a single synapse in my brain that will ever, EVER, talk shit about being a cashier. The public just doesn't realize... Customer service makes me want to throw something. And lets be honest, I'm a gentle, kind, giant.

I know I missed something. The Sobey's thing was and still is my biggest pet peeve. There's nothing like a huge company buying something family operated. The employee appreciation took a vertical nose dive (remember the stock market?) and cuts started getting made in all the wrong places. I envy the employees who detest the awful and sickening company that thinks it can toss it's employees around like play things... Jesus, I'm going to puke.

I keep trying to wrap this up, but there's part of me that doesn't want to. But really, it's time to get ready for my big day tomorrow. Time to shine, people.

Can I please get some fucking customer service on Till 10?

-E